


Oblivious

by Mystrothedefender



Category: Batman - All Media Types, The LEGO Batman Movie (2017)
Genre: Gen, M/M, Trans Character, Trans Male Character
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-03-19
Updated: 2017-03-31
Packaged: 2018-10-08 02:06:00
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 4
Words: 8,427
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10375443
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Mystrothedefender/pseuds/Mystrothedefender
Summary: Joker has a secret, he's kept it hidden for years, but he thought Batman had always known...





	1. Chapter 1

Joker bit his lip hard, groaning in pain as cramps ripped through his stomach.

He could handle most kinds of pain, some he even he enjoyed, but this?

This was terrible.

He was experiencing his first period in over 10 years.

Tears played in his eyes as his hormones played havoc with him.

He clawed at his skin in an effort to distract himself.

Any other pain was better than this pain.

It ricocheted through his body, pulling at muscles and nerves he had forgotten existed.

He needed it to stop.

Had it always been like this?

On occasion, due to his hectic lifestyle and criminal standing, he was unable to get his hands on T.

One month and maybe he would have been fine, but it’d been almost 8 now.

He was beginning to think he should volunteer himself to Arkham again, at least then he’d get his injection and be rid of this horror.

It wasn’t as if he had many contacts otherwise, not that wouldn’t ask questions, it wasn’t as if he could waltz up to scarecrow and go ‘Can I have a gallon of testosterone’ and then not expect him to cotton on.

He was running out of options.

.

Arkham, as dreary as it was, felt like home to Joker, the majority of his memories were here.

Not all of them were good.

Though recently, since a flood of funding had come its way, the place had improved.

A lot of the old guards and doctors had been replaced with people who actually wanted to help.

It was a little sickening, he would admit, he didn’t like the way they treated him.

He was a grown man with mental illnesses not some child who was incapable of looking after himself.

They had become a little more honed with their use of drugs too. No longer was it just to shut them up, it was to help them. Many of the old inmates were actually beginning to make progress.

Riddler and Two-face were almost reformed, Wesker had been weaned off his dolls quite successfully, even Zsasz had improved to the point of being allowed a female doctor.

It just went to show how much it helped if you treated people, well, as if they were people.

Because of this new humanitarian side to Arkham Joker was treated as soon as he got in, there was none of that old ‘hurry up and wait’ shit they used to do. He was checked by the doctor as soon as arriving, checked over and fixed up, and given his first injection of testosterone in 8 months.

“Thank you doc, I feel better all ready,” Joker said with a happy groan as he did his belt back up, “You really are a life saver…”

“Yes, well, you know your symptoms won’t stop right away, it’ll take a while to gain affect,” the young man said, disposing of the needle.

Joker chuckled, “Oh sweetie, I’ve been taking this stuff for longer than you’ve known it existed, you don’t need to tell me.”

The doctor cleared his throat, opening a draw and taking out some pills. “Yes, well… Uh, take these painkill, if you want to take a seat outside, someone will show you to your room.”

“Yes yes…” Joker said with a wave of his hand. “I know the drill.”

He left the room and sat in the waiting room, he felt so much better already. Just the knowledge that he’d had his shot helped so much.

If he concentrated he was pretty sure he could feel it flowing through his veins… It was great.

He’d stay here for a few days, just to ride out his period, get a good sleep, get some good food, take all the drugs he could find and then be on his way.

.

The rooms at Arkham asylum all looked the same.

A grey box of a room, smaller than a rabbit hutch, with a window if you were lucky. The beds were small, straps attached if you needed them or not, either far too hard or far too soft depending on if it were new or old. Next to the bed in each room was a small hollow table which, like the bed, was bolted to the floor. The better behaved an inmate were the more items they could get to decorate their tiny room, different people opted for different things.

Joker’s was and always had been empty.

He’d managed to sweet-talk a book and some food into the room for tonight, and he was happy for it. It’d be a nice night, reading and eating sweets, it’d been a long time since he’d indulged himself, he was looking forward to it. He never felt like taking care of himself when he was off T, so for the past almost-year he’d let himself go without nourishment, without bathing, without sleep.

He felt a lot better now.

There was talking outside his room. He frowned. So much for solitude. He let out a soft growl and threw his book at the door.

“Some people are trying to relax in here!” he screeched.

After a second his face fell, he stared down at the book he’d been reading that now lay on the floor. “Oh for-“ he climbed off the bed and slid across the floor, picking up the book and taking a moment to try and find his page again.

Suddenly he felt a pain in his head, he fell back on the floor, holding his head. “Ah shit!”

He looked up to see what had hit him. The door was open, that must be what it had been.

A smile came to his face as he realised who stood at the door. Shrouded in darkness.

“Batman! Ol’ buddy!” he sat up properly, still holding his hand to his head, it was starting to swell. “What brings you to my humble abode?”

Without missing a beat Batman swooped down to pull him up, holding him by the collar and slamming him against the wall.

“What are you planning Joker?”

Joker chuckled softly, gasping a little from the force of the attack. “I’m not planning anything. I’m recuperating.”

Batman growled, “I don’t believe you.” he tightened his grip on Joker’s Arkham jumpsuit, lifting him a little higher.

Joker let out a soft groan, “You have no idea how hot it is when you do that,” he grinned.

“Why are you here?!”

Batman was very close to him now, Joker could feel his breath on his, almost hear his heart beat. Or was that his own?

“I’m just getting my shots Batsy! No plan here I _swear._ ” He reached up to grip the arm that held him.

Batman frowned, watching Joker for a moment to gage if he were lying, “What shots? What are you talking about.”

Joker’s smile fell a little, was he really going to have to spell it out..? “My _shots_ , y’know?”

“Shots for what,” Batman said slowly, “Don’t play with me Joker.”

“Oh I’d love to, but I’m pretty sure you’re the one playing with me right now Bats. It’s been over 20 years are you really telling me you don’t know my, uh, medical needs?”

“I said don’t play with me!” Batman slammed him against the wall again, winding him a little, making him cough.

“I-If you’re trying to joke with me it’s not funny,” Joker said, stuttering and letting out a ragged cough. “You’re seriously looking at me and you can’t tell me what I’m here getting?”

Batman frowned at him, letting out another growl. “Joker, I don’t usually admit to being out of the loop, but I have _no idea_ what you’re talking about.”

Joker looked Batman up and down, beginning to laugh, tears came to his eyes again as his laughter consumed him. He squeaked as Batman slammed him against the wall yet again.

“Tell me!” he shouted, throwing the clown onto the floor.

“20- 20 years… you’re the worl-world’s greatest detective,” he guffawed and snorted, laughing too hard to move from where he’d fallen “My ass you are!”

Batman grit his teeth, crossing his arms and looking down at Joker, waiting for him to calm down.

“Joker,” he said sternly after a moment.

Joker grinned up at him, still chuckling, “Y-yes?”

“Tell me.”

Joker shrugged, sighing softly, grin still on his face, “Oh Batman… I fear it may insult your intelligence if I tell you. Why don’t you do some detective work and find out?”

“I’m not leaving until I get an answer. I will hurt you to get it.”

Joker let out a soft hum, “Oh I wish…” he huffed, “Ok, so I’m guessing the only reason you’re pressing me so much is because you have no leads. Which is good I guess, it means doctor patient confidentiality might actually mean something!”

“Stop stalling and tell me.”

Joker lifted himself up onto the bed, letting out a sigh, averting his eyes: it really wasn’t fair that he had to do this, he shouldn’t have to out himself in order to not get beat up.

But maybe this’d do something for their relationship.

“Batman, I thought you knew,” he dug his fingers into the bedsheets a little. “I’m transgender.”

Batman frowned at him, “What?”

“Trans-gen-der,” he spelled out, “Do you know what that means?”

“Of course I know what it means,” Batman said, his voice monotone. “I don’t believe you.”

“Well isn’t that nice of you to say,” Joker smirked, “But it’s true! I’ve been like this longer than I remember.”

Batman shook his head, “I still don’t believe you.”

What was he expecting? Some kind of proof? There was nothing he could show him or tell him.

“Do you want me to prove it to you?”

Batman pulled a face, the same face he pulled whenever Joker came on to him “No.”

Joker chuckled, “Oh Batsy, don’t give me that look. I’ve had all my surgeries, I can’t exactly flash you my _bits_.”

“I wouldn’t have guessed you were…”

This was absolutely delicious, Joker’d never seen Batman look so uncomfortable. “Bats, you of all people should know a little something about stealth. The whole point is that people don’t guess. You though? I would have thought you’d known for years.”

“How would I have known?”

Joker shrugged, feeling himself relax a little, “Well I don’t know, you’ve seen my medical records, you and me share a bond that-“

Batman rolled his eyes, “Don’t start with that again. We don’t share any kind of bond.”

Joker chuckled, “Oh come off it Bats. Keep being snappy like that and I’ll start thinking you’re on your period too.” Joker smiled as he saw the bat still and become ridged.

God he was so uncomfortable, it was amazing.

“You’re…?”

Joker bit his lip, “Oh it’s awful, worst feeling imaginable. I bet you’re glad you don’t have to deal with it… I sure wish I didn’t.” he chuckled softly. “So have you gotten your answer?”

Batman was barely moving, he didn’t even seem to be breathing. Joker’d planned on making him uncomfortable but he hadn’t expected this kind of reaction.

It’d be delightful if it wasn’t so unsettling.

“Stop it Bats,” Joker snapped, “You’re giving me the creeps.” He tutted, “I’ve had some bad reactions in the past but I wouldn’t have expected it from you, the type you run around with I’d have thought you were totally into it. You run around looking like a giant bat, there’s not much of a jump,” he chuckled at his own joke, expecting some kind of reaction from Batman, being disappointed at not getting one.

He huffed, gritting his teeth, “Batman either talk to me or get out, don’t make me call security, you’re starting to piss me off.”

Batman seemed to soften a little, relaxing in his stance, “…I got my answer.”

With that he turned and left.

.

Since Batman’s visit Joker had been feeling incredibly sorry for himself. He’d been crying a lot, a strange pit in his stomach. He wasn’t his usual cheery self at all.

He didn’t know what he’d expected. A hug and a kiss from his dear Bat? As if.

He’d never outed himself to anyone and gotten a good reaction. Not even Harley. ‘Good thing I’m bi’ had been her reaction.

How insulting.

And people wondered why he hated her now.

He hadn’t said anything though, he had totally blanked him. Like he wasn’t worth the time.

It was humiliating, to expose yourself like that and then be totally ignored. It made him so mad…

He needed to step his game up. Focus all his energy into getting one over on that stupid fucking bat.

He lay in bed fuming, plotting in his head, reading his book but not focussing on anything it contained.

He was so mad.

He was pulled at least partially from his thoughts by a knock on the door. It opened slowly and one of the care staff walked in.

“Joker?” she said softly.

“Yes?” Joker said, almost snapped.

She stalled and stuttered a little, “Uhh… You’ve had a delivery.”

Joker frowned, Arkham inmates weren’t allowed ‘deliveries’, gifts and the like, inmates like Joker weren’t at least. “I’ve had a what?”

“A delivery? Uh, from the Batman.”

Joker frowned, “Oh really? Cyanide pills perhaps?”

The woman shook her head, “Oh, no,” she held out a small basket, wrapped in translucent purple plastic was a small selection of chocolates and sweets. “…They’ve been checked, they won’t harm you.”

Joker stared down at them and tutted, “Well thank you for your concern,” he snatched the gift basket from her and turned back to his bed.

He turned his head back to the woman, “What are you waiting for? You can’t have any, they’re mine, go on, get.”

He shook his head and sat on the bed as he heard the door close, unwrapping the gift basket and breaking open a bar of chocolate. Dark with butterscotch pieces.

“Well I’ll be,” he chuckled softly and took a bit, humming happily at the taste. Anger melting from him as he ate.

Maybe it hadn’t gone as badly as he’d thought.


	2. Chapter 2

Joker was out again. Out living his normal life, doing his normal dealings. He was happy.

He’d managed to get away with a massive 13 month supply of T. Both shots and gel, who knew why they needed both.

Maybe someone else at Arkham was a trans man?

Edward maybe?

Jon?

Maybe Clayface! Wouldn’t that be a riot?

He’d put some real thought into it when he had the inclination, if he ever had it. The will to find out things like that came and went very quickly, bigger things usually came along that needed his full attention.

Someone bigger was around the corner, he could feel it. Since he’d left Arkham something had been playing on his mind. He wasn’t quite sure what but _something._

It was usually a bad idea to ignore these feelings, he had learned, they usually led to something either really good or really bad and ignoring it had never led to a good thing before.

He lay contemplating on his bed. Glad to be in his own bed again, without the cramps this time, he had to find a way to get rid of them…

Maybe that’s what the feeling was about..?

No…

More likely it was to do with Batman.

Yes, that was probably it.

Now he thought about it, he hadn’t seen batman at all since that night at Arkham. He hadn’t assisted the police after his breakout, he hadn’t showed up to stop any of his minor crimes… The whole thing stank, how had he just realised?

“You think you’re slick Batsy…” he mumbled to himself.

.

He was determined now to get Batman’s attention.

3 months.

That’s how long he’d been free.

And he hadn’t seen hide nor hair of that damned bat.

What a piece of shit he was.

Of course, Joker thought, of course he doesn’t want to go up against me now, after what he’d learned why would he.

That gift basket was just a rouse. He didn’t understand. Stupid man…

It was insulting more than anything. As if Joker wasn’t even worth his time now.

Why exactly did it have to go like this? Joker had imagined it many times in his head, the good reactions, the bad reactions… The perfect one was one in which Batman accepted it and then they continued their relationship as normal: mortal enemies.

If Batman was going to react like this then maybe he wasn’t worth it? Transphobes weren’t worth Joker’s time… If Batman was a transphobe then…

Joker would give him one last chance.

He’d come up with something.

He’d get his answer.

Batman would accept him, or lose him.

.

Joker grinned as he watched from his room, Batman had tripped the first switch, he was on his way up now…

“Hey, Mister Joker,” the voice of a young boy said from behind him, “You know my-uh, Batman’s gunna be here any second.”

“Of course I know that, Robin. Can’t you see the monitor? He’s just come in.” Joker gave a quick gesture to the screen, glancing back at Batman’s new brat.

“Uh, well, actually I can’t see much at all without my glasses,” Robin said timidly.

Joker huffed, “I suggest you invest in contacts.” He turned his head back to the screen, frowning softly; Batman had vanished from sight.

The brat must have planned it, he probably didn’t even need glasses!

He let out a small annoyed whine, “Oh you’re gunna pay for that Dicky-bird…”

“Pay for what?” Robin said, acting innocent, “Can I have my glasses back..?”

Joker grabbed the plastic water bottle from the desk and threw it at Robin, not taking his eyes off the screen, searching for Batman, “Shut up and stop distracting me.”

A moment or so of silence passed, Joker still searching the monitor for Batman, growing more and more frustrated at his illusiveness.

Slowly it occurred to him… Robin was being incredibly quiet. That boy hadn’t shut up the whole way here, no matter how many times Joker had told him to shut up or how many times he’d hit him.

He turned his head and let out a groan; Robin was gone.

“That bastard…”

Joker got to his feet, now fuming, his hands balled into fists, he began yelling for Batman, walking towards the door to outside.

He stepped outside and saw the batmobile, Batman didn’t appear to be in it though.

“Batman!” he yelled loudly.

He needed to talk to him, he needed to fight with him, give him this last chance.

“You kidnapped my child,” Batman growled from... somewhere.

“Oh he’s yours is he? I thought he was just some brat dressing up, what’s that called now’a’days? Cosplaying? I don’t know,” he shrugged, feigning nonchalance.

Batman emerged from the shadows. Joker felt a smile instantly come to his face.

“Joker, you’re coming back to Arkham.”

Joker pouted a little and shook his head, “I’m afraid not Batman.”

“You don’t have a say in it.”

“What’s to stop me just walking away?”

“I’ll stop you.”

Joker crossed his arms, “Oh really? I’m surprised you’d dirty your hands with someone like me.”

“I’ve dealt with worse.”

Joker huffed, “Well that’s offensive…” he shook his head, “Seriously though Batman, what the fuck’s your problem?”

Batman began to walk towards him, Joker instantly felt his guard go up. It felt different than usual, it felt almost like fear.

“You’re my problem,” Batman growled.

The words stabbed into Joker like daggers.

Let him finish, that probably wasn’t what he meant, he probably meant it just generally, he had just kidnapped Robin after all.

Batman didn’t continue speaking, but continued walking closer to him.

Joker exhaled, feeling something hard twist in his chest. “Is this because of me? Who I am?”

Batman stopped in his tracks.

“You haven’t come after me once, Batman, it’s been months. _Months!_ I just want to know why,” Joker continued.

This felt strange, there was a lump in his throat, he wasn’t sure when but he was sure he’d felt it before, this horrible pull of pain and sadness.

He hated it.

He hated Batman.

How dare he do this to him.

How dare he stand there and do nothing.

He would probably have left just now if Joker hadn’t come after him.

Joker felt hot anger filling him, more intense than he’d felt in years.

He threw himself at Batman, punching at him but missing, being blocked.

Batman wasn’t throwing punches back.

“Fight back!” Joker yelled. “Hit me!”

Eventually Joker slowed, panting, his body throbbing with his heartbeat.

He felt like he was crumbling.

“Batman,” he said desperately, “Please… Please.”

Was he… going to cry?

“Joker,” Batman said softly, “I…” he shook his head.

“I knew it!” Joker screeched. “I knew it! You’re…” He let out a breath and shook his head, his eyes dropping to the floor, “You’re just like everyone else.”

He turned to walk off, “I better not see you again Batman. I _will_ kill you.”

.

It’d been a little over a week since he’d last seen Batman.

He’d always thought Batman was different.

He thought he’d known about him and that it didn’t matter to him.

It was the sort of relationship that most people could only dream of, and he thought he’d had it.

It had been perfect.

It turned out to all be a lie.

He forced himself out of bed.

He couldn’t let himself be defeated like this.

He ran a hand through his greasy green hair as he paced the room.

Thinking of a new plan.

Now that Batman wasn’t an element in his life he should think of a new direction for himself.

He could do anything, go anywhere…

It was a little overwhelming.

He walked over to the cabinet where he was storing his T and filled a syringe, biting his lip as he stuck the needle into his leg.

He shook his head as he threw the needle away, he couldn’t believe Batman would react so badly to such a little thing.

No.

He couldn’t think about Batman.

Everything was about him now.

“Joker.”

Joker froze at the familiar voice.

“I told you I didn’t want to see you again,” he growled.

“Then just don’t turn your head.”

He had to fight to keep a smile off his face.

Fuck, now he was angry with himself.

“What do you want Batman?” he said, growling, his eyes slipping closed.

“I…”

Joker heard Batman sigh. There was something in his voice, a strange emotion.

What was happening..?

“I have a confession.”

Joker felt anger spring in him again, forcing himself to stay still, not turn around and attack him.

Confession? Couldn’t he have confessed sooner? When they were in that parking lot? When Joker was begging with him for an explanation?

Batman’s silence caused nothing but more anger in Joker’s mind.

What could it be?

His mind instantly jumped to ‘I’m attracted to you but I didn’t feel comfortable expressing it till I found out you weren’t _really_ a man.’

What a sickening thought…

“Joker,” Batman said, his voice closer now, or maybe not, maybe Joker had gotten used to the quiet and his hearing had sharpened. “You’re not the only one.”

Joker let himself smile now. He’d thought so, one of the other Arkham inmates was a trans man.

But how was that a confession..?

His eyes jumped open, his head flicking round to see Batman.

“No…” he gasped, his mouth hanging open. “You..?”

Batman nodded.

Joker’s hand slapped to his mouth, he felt laughter building up in him, relief flooding him. He knew once he started laughing he wouldn’t stop.

Laughter spilled from him a second later.

“Joker, I am,” Batman said quietly. “I thought I owed you an explanation.”

“Yeah you do,” Joker shouted through his laughter, “Wh-what the fuck! Why didn’t you tell me?!”

Batman shook his head, “I wanted to, I just couldn’t…”

Joker could feel himself becoming lightheaded as he continued to laugh he groped behind him for the bed stumbling back he shook his head as tears began forming in his eyes.

He couldn’t believe it.

Batman? Trans?

He couldn’t think of anything funnier.

Except perhaps the fact that he had thought…

He shook his head panting as he tried to stop laughing “Y-you bastard!”

Batman frowned at him coming a little closer.

“You made me think you didn’t care about me!” Joker shook his head “I’ll nev-never forgive you for that. You scared the shit out of me.”

Batman frowned, exhaling softly and shaking his head, “Joker I’m not doing this… I just thought you should know.” He frowned after a moment, “I trust you won’t tell anyone.”

Joker smirked, “I wouldn’t dream of it. Then they’d go and guess who you are, and we can’t have that can we?”

Batman’s face went blank. Had he not considered that this revelation would reveal who he was?

“Have a shower, Joker, you need one…”

The vigilante turned to leave and Joker’s smile fell a little.

“I’d never tell anyone, Batman,” he said, a sudden serious tone to his voice. “I mean it.”

“I won’t tell anyone about you either,” Batman replied.

Joker smiled softly, “Oh Batsy, I don’t exactly hide it; you’re just not as good of a detective as you think.”


	3. Chapter 3

Joker sat in waiting. Waiting for his men to return from their midnight run to McDonalds. This was his favourite part of the job. The planning stage.  He could imagine all the ways everything would play out, of course some scenarios were less likely than others, but a guy could dream.

This would be their first time seeing each other since Joker had found out Batman was trans. He was so excited for things to get back to normal. He’d been so depressed at the thought of not fighting Batman anymore, he’d been at a loss.

He didn’t want to think about that. It didn’t matter anymore, they were back to normal now, things would end up ok.

The idea of seeing him again filled him with joy. Fighting with him. It’d be amazing he knew it.

His spirits fell a little as he was brought out of his head; his men were back, rowdy as ever.

He frowned and tried to set the scene in his head. What would most likely happen?

A frown came to his face at the commotion outside the door.

“I’m trying to write in here!” he yelled.

The noise didn’t stop.

He cocked his head a little. There was something wrong.

His face went blank.

No. Batman couldn’t be here, not now, not yet.

He needed their reunion to be perfect.

He was barely even dressed!

He wasn’t fit for company.

He had to get out.

Quickly he stacked and rolled up his papers, dashing towards the back door and out into the loading docks behind him, cursing in his head.

Why would Batman do this? Did he not realise how much this meant to him?

He felt something hard hit the back of his head, and saw the floor hurtling towards him.

.

Joker felt his stomach churn as he came to, trying to move hurt.

What the fuck?

Where was he?

It took a while, but he managed to get into a position from which he could actually see.

He was in his hideout still. Good.

Why would Batman..?

He slowly progressed to a sitting position, the sick feeling slowly going, his head aching.

Why would Batman beat him up and then leave him here?

This wasn’t his MO.

This wasn’t Batman.

Then who was it?

He looked around, slowly, feeling a little dizzy with every turn of his head.

Breathing slowly, moving slower, he moved himself to his bed, frowning.

His place had been ransacked…

Who would do that?

Who was that disrespectful?

Well… knowing Gotham, it wouldn’t be hard to think of someone.

He got to his feet and began to go over his belongings.

Now this was strange… Nothing seemed to be missing.

Just misplaced.

Maybe this was a threat.

He continued through the hideout, returning the misplaced items to their proper houses.

Eventually he found that something was missing.

“Oh fudge…” he said quietly.

His stock of T was gone.

He slumped down onto the bed, his head in his hands, feeling his entire being deflate.

This wasn’t what he needed.

What exactly did this mean?

Nothing else had been taken, they had been looking specifically for this. They’d gotten rid of Joker’s henchmen before knocking Joker out and beating him up. This meant someone knew. Someone knew he was trans. Someone who was probably trans too, why else would they want T? They weren’t able to get it for themselves legally.

It was probably someone he knew.

He cracked his knuckles, stretching out a little and letting out a sigh.

Damn, he really hadn’t expected this. But he supposed it did make sense. He hadn’t really been thinking when he’d left. Of course taking the whole stock would get under someone’s skin. If someone had taken his supply of T he’d be mad too. He probably would have done more than just kick who did it.

He hadn’t considered there’d be another trans man in Arkham. Even less one with the gall to come after him.

Probably one of the other big fish…

He needed to find out who did it; they knew about him and he couldn’t have that.

On top of that he needed more T.

He couldn’t go back to Arkham this time, he’d only just left and he’d taken their whole stock. They probably wouldn’t treat him so kindly.

He could go to Batman. No doubt he had a supply. He was Batman for that matter; obsessed with planning for the unexpected, he probably had a stockpile!

He pouted. He had a little while before he was due for another shot, he had time to think of a plan.

He didn’t really want to go begging to Batman.

‘Please let me have some of your testosterone, I’ll do anything.” How gross. He hated begging…

.

 Two weeks had passed. Joker knew who had taken his supply. He was on the hunt for him now. He was on the way to his house, to confront him, take back his stash.

“Hello!” he yelled down the intercom.

“Who is this?” Riddler’s voice echoed through the speaker.

Joker chuckled softly, “Oh don’t pretend like you don’t know Ed. Did you really think you could steal from me and get away with it?”

“Hey,” Riddler snapped, “You stole from us first.”

Joker stilled for a moment, “Wait… Us? Who else did I steal from? Who else have you got in there?”

Riddler scoffed, “Wouldn’t you like to know. Listen up clown. Get off my property or I will shoot you,” his voice got louder as the sentence progressed.

“Eddy, honey, you wouldn’t do that to little ol’ me, would you?” Joker smiled, “Come on, I just want what’s rightfully mine.”

“This isn’t rightfully yours Joker.”

Joker flinched as he heard a loud bang, a bullet grazed his shoulder, he clutched his heart in shock.

“That was a warning shot _honey_ , I won’t tell you again: Fuck. Off.”

.

Joker hummed softly as he began picking the lock to Riddler’s front door. He had really expected more security, but he’d disposed of the singular guard he’d found very quickly.

He’d sneak in, take his drugs, and be gone before anyone knew, like a regular ol’ Batman.

Now he thought of it, maybe he should have worn a Batman costume to do this, then Riddler wouldn’t try to get it back again. He didn’t want this back and forth carrying on for the next 6 months.

No wait, Edward had said there was someone else too.

3 months?!

He hadn’t wasted his time and risked his reputation for 3 months’ worth of T.

He felt a tug at the door, it was being opened from the other side.

He looked up at the door and smiled.

“I can’t remember the last time I opened a door and you weren’t there, Batman,” he said sheepishly.

Batman stared down at him, “What’s that you’re holding?”

Joker looked at the lockpick in his hand, stowing it quickly in his pocket, “Oh nothing… What are you doing here?”

“My job.”

Joker rolled his eyes, “Oh Bats, don’t you ever take time off?”

Batman stepped backwards into the room, “I suppose you were here looking for this..?” he turned to glance at the boxes behind him, the ones containing Joker’s T.

Joker’s face fell at the sight of them, he looked at Batman with a soft frown on his face. “Don’t take them, Batsy, please.”

“I don’t plan to,” Batman said, standing rigid by the door. “I’ve got what I came for,” he paused for a moment, seeming to be unsure of how to word what he was saying. “You can take what you need.”

Joker’s face broke into a wide grin, “You mean it?” he chuckled, walking forward to open the boxes, checking the stock inside. A months’ worth or so had vanished. “This is so thoughtful of you Bats. But,” he shook his head a little, looking back at Batman, “Why..?”

Batman took a couple of steps into the room, he seemed quite relaxed, well, by Batman’s standards. “I’m lucky enough that I never have to worry where I’m getting my next shot from, I,” he cleared his throat and gave a small shake of his head, “I can’t imagine how unsettling it is to go without one.”

Joker tittered, “I went without 8, doesn’t that make your skin crawl?”

Batman let out a huff, crossing his arms.

“Thank you Batsy, I mean it,” he blew a kiss at him. “Go on now, on your merry way.”

“…I should really take you back.”

Joker rolled his eyes, “Batman, you’re ruining the moment. You can’t give me all this and then take me back to Arkham.”

“You have unfinished time.”

Joker pouted, “Batsy please? Don’t give me a lifeline and then snatch it away from me. This one nice gesture from you could be what changes my ways and gets me to reform.”

“Will it..?” Batman’s voice was filled with scepticism.

“Probably not,” Joker chuckled. “But _please_? I can’t take all this back to Arkham with me, it’ll be confiscated. I’ll never see a drop.”

“If you come to Arkham with me, I’ll make sure that you never have to worry about where your next shot comes from.”

Joker bit his lip “That does sound good… And that place is _awfully_ easy to break out of…” He shook his head, “Nah, I need a better offer.”

Batman frowned, “There’s no better offer Joker.”

“Oh! I have an idea,” he bounced on his feet a little “I get the T and I get to ask you one question about yourself.”

Batman paused for a moment, “…No. This is non-negotiable. You come with me and keep your testosterone.”

“Well that’s not much of a gesture if it’s my only option…” He pouted cutely, “Please, just this once…”

Batman raised an eyebrow, “You know that won’t work on me. Joker, I know you won’t leave without the testosterone, and there’s no way you can get away with it without me catching you.”

Joker shrugged, “I’m sure I could try.” Huffed and frowned, glancing over at Batman and looking him up and down, “Wait… Why didn’t you threaten me with this last time?”

“That was different.”

“How so..? Because we had a little heart to heart? Well aren’t you cute, you do have a soft side.”

“You were breaking into this place.”

“Only to get back what was rightfully mine, I wasn’t even gunna hurt ol’ Ed, I swear it.”

Batman obviously didn’t believe him. “I doubt you would have been able to get to Riddler anyway.”

Joker’s eyes widened, “Oh!” he yelled at the realisation, “Who else has he got in there?”

“Two-face. Didn’t you know?”

Joker shook his head, “No idea, just knew they were stealing from me too.” He frowned softly, “Though I wouldn’t have guessed Harv,” his frown quickly changed to a smile, “Makes sense why you used to be such great buddies though, ‘birds of a feather’ and all.”

A growl left Batman’s lips that sounded to Joker like a threat.

“Oh come off it… I said I won’t tell anyone, I’m very good at keeping secrets, and even if I did tell anyone there’s no way anyone would believe me. You don’t come across as a trans man.”

“I know a little something about stealth,” Batman said, a growl still to his voice, “And I don’t take that as a compliment.”

Joker waved his hand dismissively, “Of course not, I wouldn’t, though, uh, i don’t exactly hear it much.” He rolled his eyes, “The best I usually get is ‘I should have known’ or ‘I thought there was something about you,” he blew a raspberry on his hand before shaking his head and sighing.

Batman frowned. “I’ve had a luckier life than you,” he said, sounding almost sympathetic, “You haven’t had access to the same things as me or Harvey, it’s not your fault.”

Joker laughed, “You think I don’t know that? You know how old I was when I finally accepted myself? Thirty-fucking-eight… Well, I think…” he looked up at Batman, “You’ve been on T since you were what, 2 days old?”

“18,” Batman corrected, though from his face it was obvious he instantly regretted saying it.

“That’s 20 years on me. And I bet you were on blockers before that too.”

Batman gave a stiff nod, uncomfortable with Joker’s near anger.

Joker scoffed, “It’s fine, really, I gettit, not your fault your guardians were rich and accepting. Unlike some people _I_  don’t get angry at the past.”

“It seems like you’re getting angry…”

Joker shook his head, “No… though I might suggest a change of subject.”

Batman frowned softly, staring at Joker, “Come on Joker. I’m taking you home.”

“Ugh, no, I told you I’m not-” Joker stopped mid sentence, his mouth dropping open a little, “Wait did you say home?”

Batman nodded.

“Not Arkham?”

Batman nodded again.

Joker grinned, “Aw Bats you do care,” he chuckled.

“I don’t want you losing any of your testosterone, I’ll take you in the batmobile.”

Joker let out a happy squeak, he had never wanted to kiss Batman more than he did right then.

Batman seemed to have noticed the change in his body language. “This isn’t me falling for one of your tricks, or feeling sorry for you, Joker. Don’t think this means anything.”

Joker’s smile grew, “Yeah it does, you care about me. Oh I want to take a picture of this moment and keep it in my wallet!”

Batman picked up one of Joker’s boxes, a frown ghosting his face again. “Don’t make me change my mind.”


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm attempting to build a half decent plot for this story lol

The word curious could be applied in both popular senses to the Joker, he was both a curious man and a curious man.

He couldn’t stop himself thinking now, having been back home for over 20 hours with his stockpile of T hidden away now rather than just stashed in his sock draw.

Who else was trans?

Himself, Batman, Riddler, Two-face.

He would never have expected so many.

Maybe there was something in the water around here?

Joker smirked to himself; it was kind of nice knowing he wasn’t the only one.

His thoughts were interrupted by a knock at the door. He rolled his eyes, why did people keep bugging him.

“What do you boys want now? I told you you don’t need to ask me to go and buy food.”

The door opened, and Harley stepped through.

Joker frowned, his fists clenching slightly at the sight of her. “What are you doing here?”

She smiled at him, “Mr J I live here.”

“No you don’t I threw you out.” He looked away from his desk fully and turned his chair to look at her.

“Oh you’ still mad about that?” she waved her hand dismissively.

He looked her up and down, her body language, her tone of voice. There was something familiar about it. His eyes narrowed a little. “What do you want Harley?”

She seemed to tighten up a little. The last time they’d talked it hadn’t ended all that well.

“Well?” Joker urged.

She sighed softly, “Oh I know I shouldn’t have tried to hide it from you, Puddin’.”

Joker huffed, “Of course not, you can’t pull the wool over my eyes, Harls. Tell me what you want,” he gave a wide, fake smile, “I might be nice enough to give it to you.”

Harley shrugged, averting her eyes a little, “Well I uh, a buddy of mine,” she shifted on her feet a little, giving a soft shrug, “Kinda heard you had some kind’a drug from Arkham, and uh, well… he’s kind’a asked me to get it from ya’.”

Joker pinched the bridge of his nose, shaking his head minutely before running his fingers through his hair, leaning back in his chair, “Was it Ed? Tell him to fuck off, I don’t have any T.”

“ _No_ it wasn’t Ed,” she said with a shake of her head, “I’ve been asked to keep my patron’s identity a secret.” She walked further into the room, “And what do you mean you don’t have any? Everyone knows you took a bunch of stuff from Arkham.”

Joker shook his head, feigning a sad innocence. “Batman took it all. Ed stole it from me, then Batman took it from him.”

Harley frowned softly, “Wait, how do you know Batman took it. It could still be at Ed’s place!”

Joker’s face fell a little, “’You really think that I didn’t go down there and try to get it back?” he let out a scoffed laugh, “I was trying to get it back and Batman was already there.”

“How did you get away?”

Joker smirked softly, “I appealed to his _better_ nature.”

Harley let out a suggestive hum, “Oh really? Something finally happen between you two?”

He chuckled softly, “Don’t be so crass, nothing _like that_ happened. He’d never…” he let his voice trail off and his expression change back to an unhappy one, “What does it matter to you anyway. I don’t have any T, get lost,” he pointed to the door.

She sighed softly “Ok, ok… Pengi is sure gunna be disappointed though.”

Joker turned back to the desk, “Good luck dealing with that… Don’t let the door hit you on the way out.”

.

Penguin was after his T was he…?

Either Penguin himself was trans or he had an underground buyer that was, either was equally likely.

Of course he probably had doctors and such that could get it for him, but free was free.

Most likely the T was for someone else, he couldn’t see Penguin putting something unchecked into his body, let alone something that had had Joker’s fingerprints on it.

Maybe Riddler and Two-face had enlisted Penguins help to retrieve what Joker had.

Joker wouldn’t put it past Edward to hide camera all over the apartment, if that was the case then they’d know Joker had the T and they wouldn’t give up the case that easily.

If Penguin’s men came to see him in the next week or so then it meant it wasn’t Riddler and Two-face.

If they came tomorrow it meant it was.

.

Tomorrow came and passed.

.

Joker felt annoyingly on edge, waiting to be attacked, waiting, waiting…

It had been almost a week.

There was no way Penguin would just drop it.

Months’ worth of T, it was worth a lot.

It had entered Joker’s mind to volunteer them, but he’d quickly dismissed it. The risk was worth it. Having that much T stockpiled, the sense of security, as much as Joker usually loved chaos he loved the knowledge that his drugs were right there.

They were his and Penguin would have to kill him to get to them.

He ran a hand through his hair, a small way of comforting himself as he imagined the scenario.

He didn’t want to deal with this, he had bigger fish to fry. He wanted things back to normal, it seemed recently everything he did related back to his being trans, honestly it was something he didn’t like having at the front of his mind. Made him feel bad.

He should have just dealt with the cramps. At least they only lasted a few days and not weeks like this mess had.

Although it was nice knowing that Batman, Riddler, and Two-face were trans also. It was a strange sort of comfort but comfort none the less.

It made him feel closer to Batman, that was nice, Batman probably thought the same thing.

He could imagine it now, Batman, sitting on his bat-chair infront of his bat-tv, wishing that Joker would set up one of his infamous traps, that they could fight again, perhaps share a few longing looks whilst beating the shit out of each other.

He bit his lip and let out a soft breath.

He would kill for that right now.

How long would it be until Penguin came after him?

The sooner Penguin came for him, the sooner Joker beat him, the sooner he could get back to regular life.

“Coward…” Joker muttered to himself, hoping the verbalisation might somehow tempt the man to him.

After a moment stood up, letting his chair fall to the floor behind him.

Why did it have to be like this? Why couldn’t things go back to normal? He didn’t want more people to find out. He didn’t want to have to fight over this.

He picked up the chair and threw it halfway across the room, it landed with an unsatisfying thud. He wished it had smashed. He wanted to break something. He needed to get rid of the tension hanging over his head.

He marched into the bedroom and angrily threw on a shirt and a pair of trousers, slipping on his heels and stomping out of the hideout and into the street. He couldn’t handle it. He needed this over.

If Penguin wasn’t going to come to him then he would go to Penguin.

.

“You can’t come in,” the guard of the iceberg lounge said sternly, “Not after last time.”

Joker painted on his friendliest of smiles, “Oh come on, Philip was it? You gotta let me in, I’m a friend of Oz’s.”

“Yeah, not according to him,” the guard snarled, “And it’s not Phillip, you and your girlfriend killed Phillip the last time you showed up.”

Joker pulled a face, “Oh, oopsy? No hard feelings?” he reached out to pat the guards arm.

The guard pulled away, “Get out of here.”

Joker frowned and nodded a little, “Ok… Kiddo, look. Unless you wanna end up like Phillip you’ll let me in. Don’t you know who I am? I’m the Joker! The clown price of crime! I _own_ this town buddy.”

The guard stood still, blocking his path, crossing his arms.

Joker’s eyebrows raised, “Well alright, you asked for it I guess!” He reached into his pocket.

Where was his….

Oh shit.

He’d left his gun at home.

“Of all the blasted things…” he mumbled to himself. “Alright, alright, I’ll go, for now. But mark my words, when I come back, and I will come back, you’ll be the first one I’ll kill.”

The door behind them opened.

Another man stuck his head out, dressed in a uniform similar to the guard’s. He looked down at Joker with dead eyes. “Joker?”

“The very same,” Joker smirked.

“Penguin wants to talk with you. Come with me.”

Joker’s smile widened, he gave the guard a smug look and slowly pushed his way passed. “Toodle-oo jackass. I’ll see you later.”

As the guard led Joker up the stairs he could feel his mind racing, fast enough that it might give him a headache.

He was sure he was walking into a trap. He didn’t have his gun. How had he forgotten his gun?

He patted down his pockets once more to check.

Oh, it seemed he had a knife stashed in one of his jacket pockets.

That might come in handy, though he was sure he’d do fine without it.

The guard opened the door to Penguin’s office and let him through.

“Pengi, hi, how are you ol’ pal,” Joker said with a soft chuckle as he walked through the large white room, further into what he was sure was a trap.

Penguin looked up at him from behind his desk. “Joker. I’ve been expecting you. I suppose Harley told you she was working for me?”

Joker nodded, smiling, “You should know by now you can’t trust her with secrets.”

Penguin huffed, nodding in reluctant agreement. “Yeah… Well, now you’re here, I wanted to talk to y’. I’ve procured some of the security tapes from around Edward’s apartment and I’ve got footage of Batman that proves you weren’t lying to Harley.”

Joker held back a grin, choosing instead a hard nod. “I didn’t think you’d believe me either way… Why did you want it anyway?”

Penguin huffed, “I won’t ask why you wanted it if you don’t ask me. But like I said, I’ got footage now that proves the bat’s got it. Now, uh,” he dented his fingers, “I wanted to ask you if you’d be interested in getting the stuff back from him.”

Joker let himself smile now, “Oh, of course.” He put his hands on the desk and leant over it slightly, “What’s your plan?”

.

Joker found himself laughing for the majority of that evening. This was so hilarious. He burst out laughing on the walk home and never stopped. Eating that night had been interesting.

Thank god Batman had helped him home that night. Now his T was safe for good _and_ he was going to fight Batman again. The best thing was that Penguin didn’t even suspect him of still having it. There was no way he’d go into such much detail with his plan if it was a ruse to put Joker off guard.

Batman wouldn’t even know why they were coming after him.

This was going to be perfect!

There was no way he’d be able to sleep tonight.

**Author's Note:**

> Please bare in mind that I am I trans person, and I will call you out if I need to lol.  
> Please comment if you think I should continue.


End file.
